Sermons

Introduction:

Forgiveness is a topic we can all relate to. Who has not been offended? The issue is not whether or not we will be offended (for we all will), it is rather what we do once we have been offended. The way of Jesus is to forgive. Who might you need to forgive for wrongs committed in the past?

Incommunicable and Communicable Attributes of God

We come to church week after week to learn, worship, fellowship and serve. In the midst of this flurry of activity, there are times we should ask ourselves, "What is the goal of the Christian life/of our activities?"

The quick "Sunday School" answer would be to glorify God and become like Him. When we say to become like Him, what do we mean? There are characteristics of God that we certainly will never acquire such as the three O's, omniscience (He is all knowing), omnipotence (He is all powerful), and omnipresence (He is everywhere all the time). These characteristics are what theologians call the "Incommunicable attributes of God." They are not transferable to humans.

Yet, we are indeed to become like God and act like him. Paul encourages us to Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us in Ephesians 5:1-2. John tells us God is love, and we are to love. We are to love as God loves. Love is what theologians call "Communicable attributes of God." God's Word gives us positive models of what it is to be like God in this way. This is what we mean when we say that Spiritual Growth is CHARACTER growth.

Any other characteristics you can think of that we would consider "Communicable Attributes of God?" [Patient, good, merciful, kind, gentle, accepting, etc.] There is a particular quality of God that is transferable to us that we will focus on today. It is really the essence of Christmas, the incarnation of Christ: Forgiving. Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:31 just before his statement on Being an Imitator of God:

Eph 4:32: Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

We all know that just as God forgives us, we are to forgive others as well.

When do we need to Forgive?
There are times I don't want to leave my room and go out into the world. Many times I have heard it said from people about their jobs that the work is easy, it is the people that are difficult to work with. Frankly, everyday life is filled with difficulties between people at home, church, school or work. There are annoyances (being cut off on the road or in line), slights (not introduced or acknowledged at an office party), or oversights that happen everyday. 

There was a time when I was a teenager I was very sensitive about my ethnic identity. I think I wanted to be a banana--you know, yellow on the outside and white on the inside. One day when I was in the mall, a couple went up to me to ask a question. But they first asked if I knew English and how long I had been in the country. I was offended, and said that I knew English better than they did, and that I had been a US citizen all my life. I don't think that couple meant to be offensive, but they offended me. When I replied in an angry manner, I certainly intended to offend them. I still remember that story even to this day.

1. That story illustrates to THERE ARE BOTH intentional and unintentional offenses or hurts inflicted.
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Sometimes people say or do things compulsively without ever thinking. Or they may make mistakes or presumptions. They may touch a nerve in us without knowing it. Others may offend us intentionally. They may believe that we may even deserve it. Have you ever given someone you love the silent treatment? You are saying that they are not worth your time. Whether the offense is intentionally motivated or not, it is you and I who have to deal with the hurt.

2. The story also illustrates that the DEGREE WE NEED TO FORGIVE WILL DEPEND ON THE DEGREE WE HAVE BEEN OFFENDED.

And all of us are different. The kind of offenses that need our attention and forgiveness are the ones that are especially hurtful, personal, or unfair.

These are times when the offense is deeper and more painful. And we actually do spend a good amount of time and energy thinking about it and working it through in our minds. If we can remember an offense today and still feel any pain from it, then those are wounds that need to be healed.

Timothy McVeigh has been convicted of blowing up the Oklahoma Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building where 168 were killed, and some 500 injured. This story was in the news this week as McVeigh has requested that his lawyers drop appeals and that the federal government set an execution date. Family members who have lost loved ones have deep wounds. Some want him executed and "rot in hell", Marsha Knight lost her daughter in the blast. She would rather him "rot in jail." Five years later, the wounds are still fresh, the pain still present.

One way is to think of deep and painful offenses are to put them in terms of disloyalty (Peter), betrayal (Judas), and brutality (the crowd, the Cross). Jesus faced all three of these in his arrest and subsequent death.

1. Disloyalty: Disloyalty is when I treat someone with whom I have a relationship like a stranger. Peter denied Jesus three times after Jesus' arrest. I mentioned the Silent Treatment earlier as a means to fight. Lori and I have used this tactic on various occasions. If it goes on long enough, then one becomes disloyal to the relationship. One time I mentioned in the Parchment, I didn't talk to Lori for a whole evening. That time I became disloyal to her and she was quite hurt. 

2. Betrayal: Is a bit more severe than disloyalty. Think of Judas, who was a disciple of Jesus but turned him into the Jewish authorities. There is one time I really felt betrayed. When my best friend and roommate in college and my girlfriend of 4 ½ years began dating behind my back. In fact, since that time I have not seen or spoken to them. I certainly have had to deal with forgiving them though.

3. Brutality: Is an unexpected and deep violation of our physical body or emotions is considered an offense of brutality. Jesus' crucifixion was an act of brutality. A rape, murder, or constant verbal abuse may be considered brutality.

Those directly affected by McVeigh have been brutalized. And we can see their pain. 

Do we still carry the pain of events that have happened recently, or even 5, 10, or 30 years ago? Were they as a result of unfair, personal, or deep hurt? Could you classify them as Disloyal, Betrayal, or Brutal?

We can look today to a person in the Bible who faced a brutal offense and learn how he handled it.

Joseph certainly had his disagreements and run-ins with his brothers. Anyone with siblings will attest to fighting with them while growing up. But for Joseph what happened with his brothers was in the category of brutality and cruelty. There was no mistake or accident-Joseph's brothers intended to harm him, and some even to kill him. 

Gen 37:18-24 An Act of Brutality by Joseph's Brothers
18 But they saw him in the distance, and before he reached them, they plotted to kill him. 19 "Here comes that dreamer!" they said to each other. 20 "Come now, let's kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns and say that a ferocious animal devoured him. Then we'll see what comes of his dreams." 21 When Reuben heard this, he tried to rescue him from their hands. "Let's not take his life," he said. 22 "Don't shed any blood. Throw him into this cistern here in the desert, but don't lay a hand on him." Reuben said this to rescue him from them and take him back to his father. 23 So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe-- the richly ornamented robe he was wearing-- 24 and they took him and threw him into the cistern…

How did Joseph feel? Can you feel his anguish? We are told second hand through the brothers speaking just what Joseph went through:

Gen 42:21
21 They said to one another, "Surely we are being punished because of our brother. We saw how distressed he was when he pleaded with us for his life, but we would not listen; that's why this distress has come upon us."

The writer of Hebrews indicates that bitterness will grow if unchecked, and bitterness will prevent us from being close to the Lord.

Hebrews 12:14-15 says: "Make every effort to live in peace with men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." 

Surely Joseph experienced the temptation to become bitter in his struggles--and surely we have as well. 


What are five ineffective ways of dealing with our hurts?
1. Denial does not heal the hurt within. We cannot pretend away our pain as if the offense did not happen. When we have been offended deeply enough to warrant forgiveness, we need to face our pain. Time itself does not heal the hurt within. For Joseph, you could still see his emotion and struggle after 21 years of being hauled away from his family. Our hurts may FEEL like they happened just yesterday. Time can help, but if we deny we have been hurt then time cannot help heal our wounds.

2. Forgiving is not Forgetting. We need to forgive precisely because we have not forgotten what that someone did; our memory keeps the pain alive long after the actual hurt has stopped. Forgiveness happens in the midst of Remembering and being able to let go.

3. Neither is forgiving Excusing. We excuse someone when we understand that they were not to blame, or that they had no choice. They will make our letting go easier; but it will not have the effect of forgiveness. 

4. Tolerance is not forgiving. When people try to live or work together, they have to decide on the sorts of things they will put up with. But you are not able to tolerate everything. For instance, husbands and wives always need to tolerate little annoyances and habits. But not everything is tolerable, and some offenses certainly hurt. Forgiving is to call an intolerable offense intolerable, and still release it to God. 

5. Vengeance is clearly not forgiving. When we take justice into our own hands we demand the offender to act a certain way (say sorry, ask forgiveness, make reparations, etc.) before forgiving them. We thus take the role of judge and arbiter of justice. 

That is not the way that Jesus teaches us about forgiveness. In his teaching about prayer to his disciples He teaches them just how important forgiveness is to their relationship with God:

Mark 11:25
25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."

There is a relationship between God's forgiveness of us and our forgiveness of others. What is that relationship? God's forgiveness cannot be effectively received except by those willing to forgive others. Nowhere is this point made as clear as in the Parable of the Unmerciful servant. You can find this story in Matthew 18:21-35.

Matt 18:21-23
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

The point here is that Forgiveness is commanded of us without qualification. It doesn't matter how many times we have been hurt. We might be thinking, if someone sins against me and comes to me 7 times a day, how can he really be sorry? He probably really isn't. But we are to forgive him nonetheless. Why?

Jesus tells us the story. 

23 "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.

The king had a servant who owed him a great debt (ten thousand talents) that he could never repay. That servant begged and pleaded for mercy. Surprisingly the King granted it. But then the servant turned around and went to a fellow servant. That servant owed him a few dollars and asked for patience in paying back. What happened? The servant who had been released of a very great debt could not forgive the debt of a few dollars.

The unmerciful servant had not received forgiveness in His heart. How do we know? He could not forgive others from the Heart.

What are we to do? Jesus says at the end of the story in Matt 18:35

35 "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

This is forgiveness in the quiet of our relationship with God. It does not require the offender to ask for forgiveness or to change their atttitude, nor does it require reconciliation of the relationship. It is command--for it is for our own good.

God's Remedy is to forgive. 
Forgiving is to accept the intolerable, release the painful emotions, and decide it is time to let the wound heal. Forgiveness is the release of emotional pain in your heart even though you can find no excuse for the person who hurt you.

There are three steps on the way to forgiveness:



I. Face the Pain

Joseph's Freedom to Weep
In verses 1-3 Joseph weeps uncontrollable. He quickly sends out his attendants. In doing so he can have privacy with his family. But he wept so hard his cries shot up to Pharaoh's household. In desperation to speak, in verse 3 he tells them, "I am Joseph. Is my Father still living?" He is transparent before his brothers.

True forgiveness is not easy for us precisely because we need to get in touch with the feelings of pain and hurt. To forgive means to face that pain and let it go.



II. Release the Pain of the Offense to God

How could Joseph forgive what had happened to him with his brothers? He tells the brothers in this passage. There are four direct references to God.
Verse 5: Do not be distressed…God sent me ahead of you.
Verse 7: But God sent me ahead of you…to preserve a remnant.
Verse 8: You did not send me here…but God did.
Verse 9: Tell father…God made me lord over Egypt.

The only way he could forgive his brothers is to see God's Hand in the framework of His life.

Brothers and sisters--God knows what has happened to each one of us. God knows the pain we have received and endured. And He is working it all out for good. One of our favorite verses is true here as well: Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (NIV). If this is the case, there is no reason to hold onto the hurt any longer. We can release it to God.

How do we know we have released the Offense to God?

III. Be Able to approach the Offender with Love

Note that the brothers had not taken the first step of asking for forgiveness. The work of forgiveness had been happening all along in Joseph's heart. Now that he is in a position to inflict the same wounds on his brothers, he actually is able to comfort them and love them:

He asks them to Come Closer in 45:4--not just proximity, but relationally and emotionally.
He comforts them and tells them to not be distressed or angry in 45:5.
Give up your rights and let God have vengeance (Vengeance is mine…)
Pray for them from the heart. It is not easy to do, and may take day after day to fully release the hurt.

Matt 6:12 Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

God had a plan for Jacob DeShazer. Even through the struggles in the Prison Camp. He came to Christ through the prison experience. DeShazer had to see God had a plan before he could forgive.

Isn't that the story of Christmas? God sees us as sinners, but he sent His own Son to die to forgive us our sins. He decided to forgive us when there was nothing lovely in each one of us. Jesus' birth is celebrated at Christmas, but it leads to only one end--the Cross of Easter.

Let us forgive in our hearts those who have hurt us. Then let us watch God work out His plan in healing us and those we forgive.
 

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